See It Through

I used to be the king of never finishing things in my life. I’d often find myself blinded by the bright lights of a new idea, only to be consumed by the next big thing. Temporarily high off the prospect of finally getting ahead, I’d end up back at square one months later with nothing but another failed attempt to get my footing. Distracted, frustrated, and seemingly unable to make progress, I’d lick my wounds and get back on the hamster wheel again. This cycle continued throughout my teenage years and well into my early twenties. During those years, I discovered just how easy it was to live in a state of perpetual movement but never actually going anywhere.

The world is a noisy place. Browsing through social media can be a trap these days. I used to look at all of the people who appeared to be successful, and wondered why my life paled in comparison. It seemed like everyone had a successful business, made more money, and lived the life of their dreams while I was still trying to figure out where all of the time went. I spent many days and nights trying all kinds of things, except actually being committed to one thing at a time. Learning to keep my zeal in check proved to be one of the greatest tasks I’d ever faced. Perhaps you can relate. Have you ever found yourself spinning your wheels in the mud? Do you start things, you never finish?

It took me a while to admit there was a pattern I needed to break. I slowly realized that if I were to ever move forward and realize the dreams deep within me, I had to learn to see things through to the end. I developed habits that were very difficult to break. For instance, I became comfortable convincing myself things weren’t for me whenever I faced opposition. When the road got tough, I bailed for the next big idea, only for it to meet the same fate.

Seeing things through takes courage, discipline and, heart. Learning to see my goals as small actionable steps helped me to stay focus. Patience is something that I still have to keep in check today. I often get ahead of myself, but I no longer let that stop me from getting things done. I find taking breaks and celebrating the small victories keeps me motivated. Also, be sure to use your time wisely as it is a finite resource.

If there’s something you promised yourself you’d complete this year, I want you to see it through. You have what it takes to get things done. Don’t let distractions stop you from doing what you said you were going to do for yourself. I find that completing things gives me the confidence to tackle the next goal. Remember, ideas are a dime a dozen; execution separates the greats from those who never quite live up to their potential. Don’t beat yourself up if you’ve been neglecting your dreams. I know what it feels like to break promises to myself. Today is a new day. You got this. I believe in you.

Finding Faith

My issues with authority began long ago. Ask anyone who knows me intimately, and they’ll tell you I’m rebel with a cause. Opinionated, graceful and always ready to push the envelope, they’d say, or that’s just Brandon being Brandon. Of course, there were people who believed those characteristics would hold me back in life. They accused me of wanting to do things on my own because I scoffed at their plans for my life— I had my own dreams. Nobody likes being controlled. Condemnation comes with being a free thinker in world where many are afraid to speak up, let alone be themselves.

I used to feel bad for being being vocal, going against the grain and intellectually challenging “leaders” when I believed in something deeply. I own it now and fully embrace who I am. There was a time, however, when I didn’t want to rock the boat out of fear I was disappointing God. I was afraid to have my own ideas and feelings about the world. The spiritual “leaders” in my life believed being a good christian was passively cruising through life with our hands comfortably off the wheel. Unrealistic expectations seemed to be the norm, while pointing fingers at others who dared to be different. After all, we were sheep who needed to be guided along, or were we?

You see Church was a huge part of my life. I was there every week faithfully. There was Sunday service, Monday night choir rehearsal, Tuesday night prayer and then there was Wednesday night bible study. I can’t remember if anything happened on Thursday, but on Friday, my parents dragged me and my sister to youth night. This was literally my routine for years…and years. My whole world view was shaped and formed by what I learned in my Church. Some of it was great and but a lot of it was damaging. I have to be honest, this is my truth.

Do I believe God is real? I do. Do I believe in the power of faith? Absolutely. I cringe thinking about the fear I felt when I admitted to myself that I didn’t know what I believed after all those years in the church. I felt stifled, I felt sick, I felt stuck. Robotic actions and just showing up, made me feel inauthentic. I didn’t know how to deal with the feelings.

I suppressed my questions about the world. I vehemently judged people who plotted their own course. I learned to use the bible to force views on others. I made it my job to “save” people regardless of their own feelings. I started to become what I did not fully understand and deep down inside I didn’t like it. It was all I knew until one day, much later in my spiritual journey, I realized I was hurting and confused. My experience with church was suffocating. It’s strange how it happens over time. One day it just hits you while you’re sitting in the pews. You realize you’ve been going through the religious motions for a long time. It’s a terrifying thought, at first.

When you begin to question what you truly believe, there is a real fear of being shunned. And sometimes you are, unfortunately. It’s the well meaning people in your life who think they have all of God’s answers for your life. They’ll try to manipulate you by saying, they’re praying for you when you challenge them or take charge. You’ll feel ostracized for making your own choices.

Maybe you’ve been feeling this way too— perhaps for a long time. I write this piece today to encourage you to find God for yourself. Take a step back from all of the voices around you and find your own. There’s nothing wrong with questioning what you believe. Church hurt is real. Bad churches are real. Misleading Pastors are real. Good kind hearted people can still falsely believe they know what’s best for you. There’s freedom in finding faith for yourself, on your terms. The good Lord meets us right where we are. Life isn’t always black and white.

This is much deeper than the four walls we often refer to as Church and spirituality. Rigid judgement, fear and control have never been ingredients of love and never will be. This isn’t about not believing in God, this is about making a choice to believe on your own. Life is journey of growth and discovery. So ask the difficult questions, embrace the unknown, read for yourself and most of all don’t let anyone control you. May we all find our way. May we all find the faith.

While We Wait: Battling Mental Exhaustion

I’m sitting in my home office looking out of the window as I write this. The sky’s virgin blue hue, along with the unobstructed sunshine has me feeling better today. I’ve always considered myself to be someone not easily overcome by emotion, but I’ve got to admit, the quarantine has got me in my feelings. I don’t know if it’s the forced isolation or the constant reminder of chaos that has created this uneasiness. I often wonder how this situation will end and if I think about too deeply, my head begins to hurt. I don’t know what to make of any of this, really. This experience has certainly been a challenging one for all of us.

I’ve filled my days with lots of movement to keep me feeling alive. My wife and I now enjoy breakfast, lunch and dinner together on a daily basis, which was something we weren’t really able to do often. My little sister came over to stay with us during this time so we can ride it out as a family. I’ve gone outside and jogged. Sometimes up to three times a day on several occasions. I’ve read books. I even picked up the dusty PlayStation 4 controller just for kicks. I’ve written too, of course. But what do you do after you’ve watched all of the Netflix programs, surfed the internet all day and read just about everything you can get your hands on? You begin to realize just how much COVID-19 has changed our lives.

At first I shied away from following the news posts religiously, but later found myself refreshing the page every few minutes, days later. I’m not much of a television guy, but I’ve got to admit, I did watch Tiger King, the Netflix docuseries that has caused quite a stir recently. If you haven’t seen that, you’ve got to see it. It’s crazy, I’ll just say that. With the Governor’s recent Stay-at-home order, we’ll all have to find creative ways to keep ourselves sane while we wait. I know people feel like their going insane being at home all day. That’s just our reality at this point in time.

Despite what we face today in our present time, I think finding healthy ways to cope with the emotional and mental affects of this situation is paramount. I’ve gotten myself in a little grove and I’d like to share what I’ve done so far to keep my self at bay. While I’m not successful at this everyday, I hope this helps you immensely.

1. Morning Quiet time: In the morning I purpose in my heart to spend some time alone with my thoughts. Often, that includes jotting down notes, prayer and also working on my next book, There’s Somethin’ about Love. Sitting alone in silence can be therapeutic and it helps me get my day started with minimal distractions such as phones and email. I often reflect on the prior day which helps me plot my path forward in regards to what I need to accomplish for the day. It’s a great way to level set with yourself.

2. Healthy Eating: Almonds and Spinach is normally my go to, but I’m not going to lie, I had lemon pepper wings and pizza the other day. Being home more often easily leads to snacking and over indulging from time to time. Let’s be real, eating right is tough. In fact, if I may, I’d like to forget my whole birthday dinner while we’re on the topic of food. Eating bad every now and then isn’t a crime but we have to be more conscious now that many of us are home through out the day. It’s getting real!

3. Get Moving: Walking for at least thirty minutes is good for the soul.I actually enjoy doing that more than jogging some days. It feels good just hitting the pavement and smelling the fresh air. It does wonders .

4. Check on loved ones: It’s easy to get caught with what’s happening in our lives. Sometimes we can lose sight of the people we care about who may also going through things. We all need each other. I try to reach out to my folks by sending messages and picking up the phone. Calling someone just to see how they’re doing can make a person’s day. You may be the voice they needed to hear to bring some comfort to their lives. Letting people know you’ve thought about them will do their heart some good.

5. Count thy Blessings: We’re all incredibly blessed, although sometimes it may not feel that way. But if you took a few minutes to really think about where you’ve been and what you’ve overcome, you can’t help but to be grateful. Each day I like to think of a couple of things I’m thankful for. It keeps me humble and grounded. Also by counting our blessings we’re able to pin point ways of being a blessing to others.

6. Expanding the Mind: We’re never too old to learn something new. I love to spend time reading and watching informative programs. There’s nothing like broaden my horizons. I’ve learned so many new things over the past few weeks.

7. Perfecting Gifts: Each of us were born with a set of unique abilities that we can use to make the world around us a better place. We should all use this time to move our lives forward, and that means something different for each of us. Dig deep within and think of what you do naturally. Your natural abilities can be gifts to others. You’d be surprised how you can touch the lives of others with things you already love to do.

8. Dream Big: There are times I reserve to just think of all the things I want in life. I dream of all the people I want to impact and how I want to change the lives of those around me. It helps me get clear about my desires and also what steps to take to make these dreams a reality. Have you been giving your dreams attention? Maybe there was a business you always wanted to start. Or you’ve had an idea you wanted to test out for quite some time. I encourage you to write it down and start planning. The time is now.

9. Hobbies: It’s a great time to pick up old hobbies that you might have been too busy for in the past. I know people who love to knit and now have time to pick it up again. Hobbies help to keep our mind off of what’s going on in the world. That small space in time where we can think of something else, is so helpful.

10. Smile: Everything’s going to get better. A warm smile can bring comfort to others who may feel anxiety about what’s happening. Our family needs our positive energy.

These are just some of the ways I’ve been coping. Feel free to share your methods. We can certainly learn from each other. Many blessings to you and yours. If you’ve been out of work or have lost a loved one during this time, my heart goes out to you. We will get through this time together. I’m sure of it.

Miracles

I woke up suddenly a few nights ago in a cold sweat. I was engulfed in the darkness of my bedroom at two in the morning. It was quiet in the house. To be exact, the only sound that could be heard was the fan, which blew peacefully on it’s lowest setting. My pattern of rest had been, interesting to say the least. Over the last month or so, I’d been deep in the throes of my upcoming novel, There’s Somethin’ about Love. Most days, writing carries me deep into the night. I find I do my best writing under the Moon’s glow. I pulled the covers back a quarter of the way. The bed squeaked when I sat up. My eyes slowly adjusted to the darkness. I reached for my phone out of habit and decided to do some reading to help relax my mind. 

My earnest attempt to read were derailed by my curiosity, when I noticed a few alerts from my various social media accounts. I went down the rabbit hole, as my sister Ebony passionately dubs moments of willful distraction, especially distractions that involve a tiny screen. I scrolled, and I scrolled, only stopping when I reached a post that immediately caught my attention. My eyes grew wide when an old friend announced that he was dealing with a serious diagnosis. Stunned by the word, cancer, I tried to reason with myself that it was somehow a mistake. I clearly wasn’t reading his post correctly. After the second attempt, reality hit me. Sickness doesn’t care about your dreams or your age. These types of situations can strike at any moment, leaving the strongest amongst us feeling helpless. It’s this fragility of life, that bounds us all together. I sat the phone down and began to think how life can seemingly change in the blink of an eye. I said a prayer for my brother. My thoughts shifted to all of the people I know who’re in the midst of a battle for their health. I wrote this piece today to empower, uplift and encourage anyone who is affected by a devastating health challenge.

Tough breaks are apart of life, but that’s not how the story ends. I’m a firm believer in better days. In fact, they’re on the way to you right now. Worrisome thoughts about the future may have been keeping you up at night wondering if your situation will ever change. This serves as a reminder of the extraordinary healing and miracles that happen everyday. Believe this is the year, things change in a mighty way. I don’t care what the doctor says or has said in the past. I’ll always encourage you to choose to believe, there’s hope.

Dare to believe things are improving in your body, mind and soul right now at this very moment. Distance yourself from people who focus on doom and gloom. Our lives are too precious to fill our mind with negative thoughts. Though the thoughts may come, you have the power to choose to accept or reject them. Hold on to your faith, there’s power in it. There’s also power in filling your heart with words of encouragement, love and life giving thoughts. Come back to this piece whenever you feel stressed by what you’re currently facing. Above all, never forget to pray. I know how difficult it can be to pray when you’re mind is troubled, but prayer truly changes things. I’ve seen it in my own life. If the good Lord has performed miracles for others, these same miracles can surely be performed for you. Hold on.