More Life
The peaks above my home were hidden in a sea of puffy clouds and mist. Just beyond my courtyard, I watched a single bead of leftover rainwater trickle down the side of my favorite saguaro. Puddles of water found rest near my entryway. The birds frolicked through the air without a care. An unusually cool breeze nipped at my skin. The sound of laughter could be heard on the other side of the wash. A familiar hot air balloon drifted by in the sky adorning its beautiful array of desert hues. More specifically it was a collage of reds, yellows, and greens. These are the moments you live for. I began to question the point of rushing through life. Why do we often feel the need to be in a constant state of motion?
Late nights and early mornings have become a trend for me these days. My brazen attempts at getting a few more minutes of sleep each morning are often foiled by the sun. Its warm rays beam through the shutters onto my face without shame. There’s hardly ever a real need to rush, but I find myself at that crossroad time and time again. For the past few days, I’ve done nothing but watch movies and eat as if there were no tomorrow. There were no writing sessions or anything else of substance for that matter. For years I was of the belief that success required an unhealthy amount of obsession. I’ve read all the books. I’ve consumed all of the “guru” content and still felt unsettled. Driven by an insane desire to achieve more, my mental health suffered. I was a zombie. No matter what I published, I felt like a perpetual failure– nothing I’d write ever felt good enough.
A dark cloud of guilt would loom over me whenever I decided to step away from my craft, even if it were just for a moment to catch my breath. There are many people stuck in this trap. I’ve come to realize the folly of it all. You miss out on living by being consumed with chasing the proverbial pot at the end of the rainbow. There’s nothing wrong with desiring to become the best version of yourself, but you can’t forsake yourself in the process. I’ve been learning to embrace going with the flow more often in my life and it’s been nothing short of amazing.
Personally, this year won’t be about an insane amount of goals; this year will be about more living. There isn’t a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow when you’re running yourself into the ground, there’s only stress, discontentment, and pain. Today, I encourage you to re-evaluate what’s on your plate if you’ve been feeling pressured. Choose to live in the moment. Subscribe to more of what gives you joy. Dust off your hobbies and commit to finding yourself again. Make yourself a priority for a change, you’re worth it.